Dear God,
I am fine. Currently i am stay at home in village. Recover my soul and mind, it always work. As you know that, everything is change now. Entjou is in its setback now. I am still wondering, is it to early to serve our entrepreneurship education service as commercial one?. No money come, even three student from micro journey class is not working as i expected. One student always skip the class the another one is not looking for the knowledge, but friend. Only one student who really need the class, but i am not confidence yet with our material. It seem like there is unfit teaching method for her. Than, we discussed with all ranger, we will make entjou as our part time work again. We will focus on Saturday activity due to we have no works to do during the Monday-Friday. Le’s say that we have wokrs, but the works is still cannot get buy our lunch yet. Well let see that, my mission for entjou are: to build school of entrepreneurship education system, to help people to find their potential through entrepreneurship education, and to accompany micro enterprises to find their way to lift up their business. These three mission are the long run mission. How could i so naive to see this as a product that can feed our tummy. What we need is our personal ability improvement?. In some way, i realize that our capability is still not enough, we need to boost our knowledge and skill. Then the another question is waiting, what skill? And what knowledge? Furthermore,i am keep questioning which standard that we have to achieve?. Previously we was focus on education and education, the team is improving on the way teacher should teach properly for entrepreneurship education. But now, i resolve we should focus on business analysis skill. Why should business annalist? Because we will upgrade our knowledge by analyzing people businesses, not teach them. By analyzing people business ( in this case is micro enterprises) we will gain much more information and that information will be our material to discuss each other, to improve our skill also. That information will be our power, and people will see us not as a motivator or something yet as researcher, as a consultant. The doubt will be disappear a long the way we have experience by analyzing many and many micro enterprises. I will collect and pursue more information and set up deliberate practice concept for all of the entjou rangers. Then, there is a bit anxiety to see how rangers in entjou react by this planing. I heard that they are bit tired with all pivot and change that been made so far. First, i would like to say that my tuition said that if we keep trying to serve class at this time, it will kill us at the same time, we will frustrated more than now. It seem not the perfect time to open the class, this time to gain our personal skill in entrepreneurship education knowledge and skill. All of us has no background in entrepreneurship education yet, no one graduated form entrepreneurship science. All of the process that we been through in past two years is till not enough. I do believe that once all ranger involve as much as they can and as long as they can by accompany micro enterprises, analyze their problem, setting their plan, implementing the strategy also evaluating the whole process, we will enhance the entrepreneurship education knowledge automatically. Not only previous sty finding best theory in business book and article but directly learn from the practitioner and find the best way to run business. Well, i just need to make new strategy. The school will be build, after the consultant establish. There will be doubt, there will be worry but this is the way entrepreneur run their business, try all and follow your intuition. For the team anxiety? I promise will never disappoint them by my movement, i never make a joke by this mission, i hope them so. Well, change the strategy is always way to solve the problem if the previous one is not working. Then here we go, i will start to set up the strategy. The distance between us and our mission is unpredictable. We cannot measure by the time yet we can ensure by keep running and working hard . Now, the entjou will run as micro enterprises consultant, hope the distance is faster by this new way. Let’s run again. God, thank you. I feel blessed.
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Dear God,
I had been not written for quite long time. It doesn’t mean my life okay, i have been busy for new chapter of my life, living my dream and build a school of entrepreneurship at Entjou. God, Alhamdulillah we passed the first month of entjou full time service. I do really enjoy the excitement. It is like roller coaster, the emotion is fluctuate, sometime bear me down. But, i am still stand strong after. For sure, because of you. More i act and deepening this social business with entjou ranger, the more i respect them who success and run their own business based on their passion. It is really not easy. After about three years (since 2016) living with the idea to make better education with entrepreneurship, this is one of the significant month where i have been facing my own risk valley of being passionate people with serious action. I the last three years, i fell excited and safe, time make all of the movement become so limited. Now, i have my own full time to develop entjou, but i have no safe area. But, the excitement and the clarity of mission never fails to safe me from unsafe feeling. God, I just want to tell you something that now i am afraid. People may shock, but is true, do really real. I am afraid when i compare my self with other people. Currently, i have no income of course. I am living by my remind balance in my bank account. I guess it can safe me for two more month. I should tighten expenses. No more cinema, no more new book, no more cafe and no more new outfit. When i think about this all restrictions i will compare my self with all of my circle. It is easy to me for being sensitive, i can compare my “restrict ed life” with my friends happiness. Then, i will imagine that if i am still working with other company, i will not limit my self with this such stuff. I will end-up my self with very big worry in my head. And know what? I already think hundreds time to give up, to continue my life with very certain job and security. I may not worry for economic and my basic need requirement. But, i always stop in the point when i ask my self “who will change education system when i stop?, do other people think about this as serious as i am?” i have no answer of this question, after that i will boost my spirit and fight more. God, i know that i am not same with my mostly friend. I don t know why should YOU give this mission for my life. I just know that have to realize that mission. I just want my next generation know how precious they are and prove to everyone that education system must focus on student potential, entrepreneurship should be involved in everyone discovery process of finding their potential. Furthermore, i know that my team is also in suffering condition. Their economic maybe worst than mine. Should we give up due to this money restriction? I don’t want, God, please i don’t want give up. We will find money to live our dream. God, i don’t want to be other. I don’t want to compare my self with other, because i am not them, an they have no mission like us. Now, i am asking you keep my emotion stable and my trigger improving. I don’t want bear down because of money. I want to be a winner of this journey. Please, show us your direction where should we dig deeper to find our pond. I will do anything through all your direction to live this dream. I am ready, InsyaAllah i will always ready. Let’s shout down this basic need obstacle and let spread the entrepreneurship education spirit for better education system....! this mission could not be compare with others, because this is not theirs. God, i need your help. Dear God, Thank you.
It is already 10 days after Entjou soft launching. I am already a full time working in our own business, a social business. Day goes by with this question, am I working now? Because there is no pressure as like I felt in previous working place. There are mostly joyful in our new office now. Nowday, we are moving to modhecom building nowon second floor. Mr. Heri offered us to cooperate and organize our social business in his building, modhecom where the first floor is his electronic store. We3 do really grateful for this chance that YOU give us from Mr. Heri. It is such as one best gift in this year. I and all rangers in Entjou cannot feel happy than this. At Rumah Entrepreneur there are 5 people who can work as full time ranger. They are me, Nova, cer, suhut and zairi who will work from 8 to 5. Then the others are Dina, Fella, Hady, Citra will work as a part time ranger who will work as their convenience time due o they are still working in another place to conquer their basic need. It happened just two days ago when CER and Zairi was asking for reduce their working time also. Actually, I bit upset about this information but I don’t mind it because I know I just need to do action to make their believe that this social business is worth it to be their full attention work. I am on my way now. Then,in this last 10 days, we are still working to prepare everything as basic office need. We set up the table and chair, cleaning the office, put some simple decoration, making brochures and business card and etc. It was quite interesting that we set up all things in our own way. I worked for two different company and everything is set up by the system, the system is already exist. For Rumah Entrepreneur, we are trying to focus on all details to make it as our new system. Today, this is our first time to have sales visit as Sales Executive at entjou. We will go to the SMKN 1 Kota Bengkulu to make our first cooperation dealing. I do really hope that the school board allows us to run our Dare to Dream class in every class in every grade there or maybe even they have school fee budged to hire us professionally as entrepreneurship teacher at their school and run entrepreneurial program there. Any chance and opportunity of today sales visit hopefully can bring us to give the best purposes for student advantange. Since we promote our commercial class, we only have 3 definite people who will join in our class. That’s is really okay. With these three Anak Kelas, we will try to make sure that they will have legendary service from our side. We will control their progress day by day strictly but fun, we will try to serve the best entrepreneurship education insight at class, then we will try hard to give them entrepreneurial life in this three month program. God, thank you for being here as always, I cannot do anything without your direction. Thank you and I have to prepare to go to Rumah Entrepreneur and help other people. Bismillah. God, it is only five days left.
I am excited to be the full time rangers who will fight for better entrepreneur education sharing system. This time is made for this reason. Frankly, last week i was bit depress with all commercial target that we have been decided. The target is to have 40 people in first batch means 10 student in each class. As you know we will have 4 category in tour class service. We talk to each other that how cool our class will be, how perfect we prepare and how serious we will make the class become awesome yet this is not truly that i want to. It is burden me. Everyday, i would check the registration form and will upset if there was no new name who submitted that form. Than there would be big question mark in my head “is this class good enough? Will anyone interest with this program? How if is this plan is not working? How if we cannot make a money for this?”, it make my heart uncomfortable. I though something went wrong. I lost my real mission. It was quite harmful for our social business movement. How could I was thinking about the target and money while our business core is education? I got lost and I just realized. It is because we have been busy since last month to prepare about our commercial class. It trapped us to all number and amount. It is not what we are coming for. So here I go God, I am writing this word to remind myself that we are creating Entjou for very significant purpose, to help other, to help them to share what we know about entrepreneurship education, to give them service first, to build Bengkulu by their educated people, to creating the welfare by strengthened local economic, to empower people and let them empower others, to campaign people that everyone is allowed to dream big and achieve it. We will share entrepreneur spirit to Bengkulu people and the rest of the world. Insya Allah. Should we change this life mission with money and number? Nope, it is beyond money, this mission is priceless. Now, I have no burden. I told to Entjou team that we have to focus in service, helping people. Then, I believe that money and all world stuff needed will be arranged by YOU, my Allah. For make it clear, I am writing 4 service values that we will use in Entjou, the values are as follows:
These four service values must be delivered to all rangers in Entjou and all Anak Kelas that will join this program. God, help me to show the way to implement these service values to make us learn how to be care sincerely. The biggest job of mine is I have to be passionate with service and care, not as a trick but as a part of my self. I am ready. I want to gain may “care” to my surround. Actually, there is still worry within myself, I cannot deny it yet it is unreasonable worry. In my perception, this anxiety is because I will step on my feet to the new area, a business that we control by ourselves, not as employee but as engine. That’s all. God, I could overcome this feeling by calling the excitement feeling of this project ahead. I will think about go to school and running dare to dream class program, teaching in our class, reading many books and journals, learning more sunnah tenet , testing my leadership skill, it will be amazing. God, It just take it 5 days left to entering our journey in Entjou, please promise me, however great and however bad circumstance that will I face, please let me put YOU as priority. I am nothing without YOU. I cannot wait. Dear God, You are so kind. I have been blessed. I am grateful for yesterday. I have sent my resignation letter to my office HRD, it was one of my precious moment. I will quit from this company, i will no longer living other people business mission. I will live my own business mission. Again, i am so grateful. Last week, i went to village home. I set up time to talk to my father and tell him about my resignation plan. Over the expectation, he support me a lot. I just need to talk him about my really reason. Then, he tell me about his belief with my vision. I said to him, it is about the golden moment that i need to start my business journey or other people will start it first. He agreed and motivate me to do so. Furthermore, i discussed to my older sister also about my plan to quit from the current job. She also agree. She asked about the opportunity that i can chase in my social business, can i feed my self with that social business? I said yes, and i just need time to do real action and prove then she said, go ahead, we will support you. So, yesterday i pushed my self to talk to the owner of my current job. In the day before yesterday, i already sent him a text to have his time to talk seriously. He spent his time to listen to me yesterday before lunch. I guess he knew already my purpose to ask his time. So, i just continued my topic. I said sorry first to talk and asking his time, then i explain to the right point that revealed i cannot stay much longer than this month to help him in his company. I said that i will start my own journey as entrepreneur in my own business social, i will do what he expected that his employee to quit to become an entrepreneur. He nodded and his air face his suddenly change positively. He was happy to hear my reasons. He though that i will quit due to move to work to other company. He said he will not allow me if i have that reason to quit.But, i am not. Really, i have never thinking about working to other company to quit. I would like to start my own journey as social entrepreneur. After listen to my reason clearly, he started to motivate me. He gave several business tips and show me some wise reason. I was really happy to listen to. Moreover, He said that he will give me time to discuss about anything to solve my own business problem when i will run my own business. It is such a nice offering. He said also that he bit upset about my decision, but he can do nothing if my consideration is bold already. He give me support to do so. My deal with the owner is i will stay till 30 March and i will looking for potential candidate to replace my current position, train him before i leave. I got his agreement. Then, i talked to HRD manager and his staff to give my resignation letter. I explained like i did to my owner. Everything was pretty clear. I tried to choose my best world to express my purpose. They got agree and i feel so blessed. Now, Everything is clear, need about 2 hours to feel the sensation of joy. I cant believe this is the right time for me. The feeling was so satisfying. I am about to live my own life mission. Do i worry? I guess yes but very little, most of all is the excitement. God, This is one of the best gift that i receive from you. You again and again show me the right path to step to. I can feel everyday is will be perfect journey to fight to. So please, i asked you more guidance to always choose the right decision and always talk the right words. Tomorrow, life will be different . It will be no longer space to fear about comfort zone. They will be full of space to doing what i like most and to help people. I do really ready for that, to enter my opened gate of the future, i hope could come closer as appropriate creature from your sight. I am doing happy, thank you. God,
I am at home now while watching apow (his real name is syakhi, my nephew) sleeping. I am at home in village. A whole day we been busy at kitchen, made pizza, donuts and bread. One of favorite is when we can cook what we want to eat. The togetherness is priceless. Dear God, We have class on yesterday. I handled one Anak Kelas. I acted as KaSha at that time. It always my favorite time to listen to them and share anything that possible to share. I found one of our anak kelas has his problem with his vision. He is still studying in third years of university. He is one of our Under 30 journey student. He already passed about 4 materials in Batch 3. He discussed about his loved field and activity, ikigai , role model and goals. I do really happy because of his movement. He already have his target and achievement plans. But, i think is still not enough for him. There is something that we miss. I was thinking what was wrong, what should we put in concern while i was driving my bike to head to village yesterday. Than, God you show me the idea. After the class, we ended up with homework to let him to think about his target after he graduate from the university. It mean on 2020, we will graduated from university. I asked him, what will he do after graduate? He told me about 3 options. At that point, i knew, his target is still not clear and bold yet. It cause his movement is not really fast. He still confuse. He still need to decide. I also found that, there must be a really intensive care and accompany. Anak kelas movement must be control in every single day to show that we are with them , really care about his journey to achieve they dream. I am thinking that. Henceforth, on 1st April 2019, i will start to control their really movement. To check, their deadline and giving comment in case needed. Again, just to show and let them feel that they have their partner, their family who can be talk to, who can be count on to, who can share to. But it must be clear that, there will be no feeling that we force them, vice versa we are care with them. I think, for student and newbie journey participant must be asked in the beginning of the program, what is their plan after graduate form school. Then, in the class we will try to test that plan, make a correlation of they dream with our well prepared curricular than we will help make daily goals related to achieve their plan. Once, the plan will be admitted as not really suitable for them, we will re arrange the program and replace with better one. The other thing that essential for this education entrepreneurship is the way we train our KaSha. Now, we make better curriculum arrangement. This must be delivered to all KaSha clearly. Okay, all this writing ideas is need to be implement. I have to take a note to my enjou and share to KaSha. We better to need action. God, thank you. I will write down this all ideas first. Dear God,
I have plan to resign from my current job in this end of march. I would like to make it serious of my own business. I would like to give my full time to build a school. Actually, it is all about the moment. The right time for the right decision. We plan to open commercial class in the beginning of April. We have arrange everything to be ready in the next month. Tasks have shared and we are doing our deadline till today. I have told to my close circle that i will resign when i think everything is ready. The term or readiness is not all about income and stability, but it is about heart decision. It is enough for me that when i can see where this journey will start and when this start up ready to be run. It is more about preparation, i do believe that what do we have now is enough to fight foR the future, to run our mission and to make us survive. Let we compared with 2 years ago, where do i run Kelas Entrepreneur movement all alone, no one join as a team. Nowadays, we have 8 rangers who already put their soul within this team. We are creating material, creating the website system, change the logo and tagline, finding a teaching method, discover the knowledge sharing program, finding the approaching system one for one and creating value preposition, etc. We have a partner who have willing to share his building to us to make real class. Above all, the truth is this all kind of work must be execute soon or other people with take it and run it seriously. Finding good time is what i am doing now. I am okay with my work, do really comfortable. But, i need space to grow. To living my dream and find the real me. The most important things is, we have really clear target market by segmenting them into four group. The fact is, this 4 groups need help. The student need to prepared about their life after graduation in senior high school, the youth need a friend who ask them to find their life mission, the newbie must be shown the way to choose correct business opportunity, the micro enterprises must be guided the way to scale up the business. They are plenty people with myriad problem. By now, no one education system who take care seriously of this issue. We spend two years to create a system to solve this problem. Currently, even though is till far from the perfection, we a re creating the model, and about to ready to run. Should we wait for helping the people? I am waiting this moment since 5 years ago, then the time is coming. I cannot deny the fear is everywhere, but not that much. Mostly the anxiety factor is about insecurity. I have not much earned money. Since, graduated from university, I work professionally. As can I remember, I have never touch the bottom ground of having nothing in financial. The monthly salary has been made me so safe. My parent also is always asking for help once I need. For all current worry, I am ready to tackle this. About my preparation, I have some money to survive. It is enough to survive about 3 month. I already make financial survive planning. I just need two million IDR to survive in a month. I also could imagine how I use my full time life after resign. This week I just need to talk with my ayah and my siblings about this plan. I am asking their agreement and their back up once I need. I think this journey will be awesome, sweet and tear. I am ready, InsyaAllah. If everything is clear, next week I will release my resignation letter to HRD, talk to the owner and asking them to let me join until the end of this month. Then can quit on the first of April. It will count as one year experience in shipping field. God, I am asking for support. Please let me ensure everything in detail, I hope this is my golden time that you prepared for me. See you in my prayer. SSF Office, How good you are? Can you lead other people wisely?
God, I am not yet that good. I though I am, but once I faced myself with all reality in Kelas Entrepreneur and my own surround, I am nothing. Particularly, in the way I communicate as leader. Even though from the surface, I can be a polite boy with willingness to talk to anyone. From the deep inside, I have very bad skill to communicate as leader. My words tend to be cruel one. It happened and proved to all my KE team and family. One cried because of me. One sent me a letter of complaint seriously. One quit from the meeting and went back to home suddenly, the other one feel hurt and suddenly quite once we do conversation and showed me disappointed face. In the other side, just 3 or 4 days ago, my younger brother decided to sleep at his friend rent home at midnight after quarrel in sensitive talk about our mom. I am ashamed by myself. I think I t was easy, when I read a book of “great leader” lead people, look so natural and simple but once I implement in my real life, there is no term of “easy” any more. Everything must be considered carefully. Should I tell about this? Should I hide about the other piece? How will they feel when I talk about this topic? And bla bla bla bla bla. Just believe me, the problem that I talk you in previous paragraph still happened even though I thought I consider everything wisely. I still don’t know ho to deal with this yet. What I know is, I love being surrounded by them now. I am gratitude to have them who can give input when I got wrong direction. They talked to me. Then we try to fix it, together. God, or it just happened like this? I don’t know my mistake, I make a mistake, then somebody hurt then I asked them to talk to me then we fix it together, is that stage that I have to face for? Actually, I don’t mean to be cruel. Not at all. I guess I just see people from my own standard, no bargain. So, the story behind other people emotion is never taking into account. Remember that I easy to disparage other people? I just found that these are my dark side. But, I don’t want to be so. God, your Muhammad is the greatest role model, I know. I am reading his story from the reliable book now. I do really appreciate what He has done. He is the greatest leader I have ever known. I just want to be like him, as warm as him when talked to his beloved one, as wise as him while talk to team, as care as him to talk to other people, as brave as him to bear down the badness. I know I am nothing, but I want to learn more. I just want to be great person for human being, and for YOU. I don’t want make other people hurt, because when I know people hurt by me, I will become a damage one. I don’t like that feeling, I don’t want trapped in that circumstance anymore. Really uncomfortable…! God, I am ready to learn, I am ready to grow, I am ready to be closer. Dear God,
How are you? I am fine. This is 2019, I am still here. I am still working in PT. SFF as full-time employee. I am thanks for this, Alhamdulillah. God, on Sept 2019, I have a plan to quit from this current job on Dec 2018. I was really serious, I knew. But, I am not really realistic, anyone knew. Today, I will not try to give direction of this such condition vice versa I will follow your direction, be calm and patient while I am preparing for the best. Currently, I do understand Kelas Entrepreneur is still not give me any lunch yet. So, the power of patient must take control. I will keep working till You give me the signal to quit. Whereas, it quite difficult to tell with team about this matter. I do really understand that they need my full time, but by now, I still can handle this by working at evening and using my spare time while I am working from 8 to 5 as other people employee. The question is, how could I manage this situation? To let the team work by their best way and I am doing mine. Oh God, I think I will show them about the recap of happy time (daily working hours) that show even I am still working as employee in other company but I have the highest amount of working hour for Kelas Entrepreneur. I will ask them also. First, I will thinking first what is their deadline, how was their performance, and collecting our tasks then asking them about their plan to finish their tasks while I will finish mine. I will do it this evening when I have meeting with all team member minus Dina. God, Thank you for this idea. God, Henceforth I can see my mom physically. That’s fine. But, please lead me to your way, to learn more Islam, closer to recognize your tenet . One more wish, please help to know Muhammad, our prophet, as complete as I should. I find that I am falling in love with concept of learning now. I have just read Book titled “Surah Nabawiyah” and felling so blue when I read words by words when this book described how Muhammad and His Beloved Friend try to show the greatest of Islam way. For me, there is no matter about Islam as Religion, it is do really matter when I know Islam and thousands its rules exist just to let human being be the kindest and the greatest to others. I Love how Islam teach to be peaceful person, how Islam give the very huge portion to be honored in this cruel and temporary world. I promise myself to learn more, to apply more, to give more, but please show me the way learn in the right way. I do really worry because many sides that would like to make this Islam Harmony be blur, don’t let sort of this people close to me. Amin, God Please Help to know You and our Prophet better. I put my 100 per cent trust on You. Bismillah. I know I couldn’t predict how future looks likes. I just able to prepare the future, as cool as I can. So here I am now. I am working as full-time employee in PT. SSF from 8 to 5.30 PM , 6 days a week (Special for Saturday, we will have half day working hours, 12.00 AM ). I will work for Kelas Entrepreneur from 07.00 – 11.00 PM to balance it. In fact, I could spend about 5-6 hours to do Kelas Entrepreneur task when I am working as full time employee. So, Alhamdulillah, I give my gratitude for this, tons of thanks Allah. This is what I am waiting for, now we will focus on how to upgrade KaSha team to have great standard, we will be busy to prepare our Kelas Entrepreneur School and Consultant. So, I will focus on this, as CEO I learn a lot of being learner who will lead this serious project. I have to learn not only about strategical concept to make KE mission come true but also learning hard to have sincere relationship with other human being. God, thank you for putting me in this situation, as our conversation with Dina, Nova, Hady and Cer in previous meeting, I have just realized that there is a part of me that really cruel, the dark side. I am focus on helping people to find their potential in Kelas Entrepreneur but at the same time I do really not care with my surround. There is another side of me who will bothered by human being stuff like care with member of family, care with team, care with close friend, colleague and other people sincerely. I am kind of super polite person and able to fun with anyone but the deep inside of mine I said they all is not important for me, once I know about this dark side, I was so upset. Need really huge brave to admit this. But, here I am. After I have hurt several close friends and relatives and I also had hurt a girl who do really love me in 2015. God, I am sorry for this. I do really for this. Frankly, I am quite scary with this kind of careless , but I hope you help to fix it smoothly. I am ready for this healing process, I am ready. Finally, I would able to start this 2019 excitedly. Mom and my family will be my main engine to improve my quality based on god vision. Kelas Entrepreneur will be my boat to be the best version of sincere friend who will change the world better, and Islam will be my main motivation as human being to live this stop-over world. I have to finish this article, many tasks waiting. God, Thank You. I am much okay now. Marketing Office, SSF. Bengkulu. After surviving about 4 months in Jakarta to against her cancer, my mother passed away. This is the final battle in our 2018 . I thought I could stand wisely once it happened, but I am not that strong. I was crying, the tears were really uncontrollable.
It was on 28 Dec 2018 at 17.15 PM, about two weeks when my mother gone after i came back to Bengkulu to continue my working as full time employee. If I am not mistaken, on 18 Dec 2019, my father called me and told that my mom cancer could be recovers by medical treatment anymore. I was broke, the damage was really serious. I am not crying but the tears always come whole day long. This info was only me and my family who knew, the whole entire family was lost. The doctor in cancer centre hospital “Dharmais” revealed that they prefer to suggest my mom to go back to Bengkulu due to there will be no more days left. To be honest, I have never imagined it was happened to me, to my family. This was really looks like in a series drama, but it was real. You know, at that time, I was being Diogi who denied any bad thing. I do really optimist that mom should be treated by herbal as alternative healing concept. I bought herbal medicine for cancer treatment, discuss with my father and older brother about alternative healing concept, and doing religion praying concept treatment, I do also asked my brother in law to buy peel of mangoes. We did anything what we could do at that time. But, my mom could not consume any medicine as good as one week before she arrived in Bengkulu. I had no more idea at that time. The denial concept was so burden me. In other part of my brain I was do really accept the reality that my mom body was so fragile and weak but in the other side both brain and heart I knew my mom will get well really soon. My mom was having his general medication treatment in province public hospital at that time (after the cancer hospital in Jakarta given up to take care of my mom) while I am still working. The best part was all big family members both from my mother side and my father side supported really strong. There will be more than ten people who slept at hospital, all of my nephew and niece come to cheer my mother up. All uncles and aunts will go and back to take care of my mom. Even all friend of mine and friend of all my brother and cousin also come to see her. In this point i know that, i should know all this beloved family better. In my opinion due to this case is Indonesia needs more cancer hospital that can provide better and faster medical treatment for the one who need. My mom should be has her surgery to take out his tumor in her belly in the beginning of December. Unfortunately, the surgeon room was full of waiting list. So my mom schedule for surgery was postponed until 19 Dec 2018. I bet at that time the cancer cells was spreading out to all my mom body while the fourth chemotherapy could not apply due to surgery preparation. We as the family who accompanied her cannot see anything change within her body. Especially me, who highly optimistic after the surgery mom will be better. My mother has passed away on Friday which is based on our believe as good sign. My mother survival journey had been completed. It is all about us now, about me who will continue her journey. My responsibility as a son is to make her the proud mom in heaven. I should find the best version of me to be close and understand more about islam. It is all about me who will fight the future without mom. I am okay for now. I think I will be okay also for next. But, the vacant part of my soul where was mom existed will be always like this. I will pray and being a good man as a ticket to meet her again in heaven. Dear God, I know there will be a time for me to back to you also. Until that day come, please let me be proper enough to see her in your heaven. The journey about me to make my mom proud in Jannah is started. I will never stop to find the best version of me and the best son version for my mom. God please tell my mom, I will take care the younger and my father. I will keep this missing felling. Let’s Start the journey, Bismillah. |
Author
I am Indonesian. My name is Diogi. So interest with business and entrepreneurship. I am creating Social Business to find the best method to teach entrepreneurship and help people to meet their potential for facing future. Like traveling and writing. Archives
July 2021
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